I want to have your abortion
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
