why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
