apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
