thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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