Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize