we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I won the penis lottery.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
