He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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