I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
