Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
