Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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