im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
