ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
