dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
