I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
