I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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