About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize