There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
