you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
