i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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