Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she looked like the before picture.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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