I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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