Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Actions speak louder than pants.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
