wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
