Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize