I faked an abortion last night.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
