He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
