i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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