OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
