i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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