my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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