no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
