hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
