he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
