did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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