I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
