the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
