We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
