Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
