Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
