I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
