My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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