so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
