just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
