I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
