I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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