Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
