It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
