dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
