She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
