Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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