And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
