somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize