the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
