dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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