I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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