I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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