The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
