Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
