in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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