I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
