but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need water and some morals
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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