No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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