whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
