At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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